Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures

Bill & Ted are rehearsing in Bills garage when their loud music knocks Missys "brand-new antique" Chinese vase off its shelf. Desperate to replace the broken vase before Missy gets home, the dudes travel back to Ancient China in search of an authentic substitute. Once in China they are arrested for causing a mess in a vase store (called 1000 Vases of Dr. Lao - a joke relating to the cult movie classic The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao) and are sentenced to building the Great Wall of China (a couple of days work - which falls down as soon as they are released). Unaware that their phone booth, which was parked in a tow away zone, has been taken to Kublai Khans palace, the dudes stop at Oodles of Noodles for some lunch. Rufus slips them a note via fortune cookie to let them know about their booth, and they have to explain the concept of Chinese take-out to the waitress named Kitten Kaboodles, who offers them a free vase which is exactly like Missys. On their way to the palace they are shanghaied and taken aboard Marco Polos ship, which is for the best because Kublai Khan had given Marco Polo the phone booth (claiming it would take four photos for a dollar except it was broken) as a going away gift. Bill & Ted find themselves put to work swabbing the deck and later painting the ship. Not appreciating the wild paint job the dudes do on his ship, he makes them walk the plank (and a shark ends up eating their vase), but through a wild series of mishaps they all end up taking the booth back to Italy when the ship sinks. In Italy, Marco Polo reports back to his boss, who is angry when he finds out Marco Polo forgot the rice. Bill and Ted offer the man their take out noodles instead, which he likes so much he decides to rename them (his dog Spaghetti eventually providing the inspiration). Marco Polo sees Bill and Ted off, both of whom are disappointed they didnt get a vase, until Marco offers them one of the free vases he got from the same Chinese restaurant. Upon returning home, the dudes accidentally break the new vase and have to confess to Missy they broke her vase. Missy then confesses her vase was a freebie given out by the new Chinese restaurant in town, Oodles of Noodles.

Bill and Ted are called to Vice Principal Ryans office for a meeting with their parents after they sign up for spring term classes . . . choosing only Study Hall and Girls P.E. There they learn they are to take a series of most egregiously tough classes, including Latin! They are horrified to learn that the Latin class is made up entirely of dweebs, and that their first assignment is to decipher the Latin on a rare ancient Roman coin minted for only one day in the realm of Julius Caesar. Conferring at the Circle K, they decide to go back to when the coin was made to find one. Accidentally they find themselves in Latin America instead, in the midst of an Incan rain dance ceremony. They are mistaken for rain gods and given a sumptuous banquet. All is well until they are called upon to make it rain, and when they cant the Incans attempt to boil them in oil as a sacrifice to their Sun God. The Three Most Important People send Rufus to their aid, but before he arrives the dudes are able to escape by talking the Incans into letting them make one phone call. As Bill & Ted head to Ancient Rome, Rufus finds himself the new target of the Incans sacrifice (luckily he is later saved by the Three Most Important People). After a close call landing in the middle of a fight between two gladiators, Bill & Ted decide the best way to get the coin they need is by working for it. They are hired by a woman who needs help catering Caesars tailgate party. They find themselves in the palace of Julius Caesar and unwittingly become the scapegoats for two evil Romans plotting to do away with Caesar by poisoning his grape juice. Spilling food on Caesar, Bill accidentally rips the mans robe trying to clean it, but the new ripped style catches on with those in attendance, leading to the first toga party. As the dudes attempt to serve Caesar his grape juice, the emperor calls for a food taster (picking out Rufus, who is in disguise as a partying Roman). It is discovered the drink is poisoned, and Rufus helps the boys escape. They are pursued by the two evil Romans, in a combination James Bond / Ben Hur style chariot race. Ducking into the Coliseum to escape their pursuers, Bill & Ted find themselves the main attractions facing a hungry lion. Rufus steps in, acting as referee, to save the dudes from being eaten. Realizing they need to save Rufus in turn, Bill & Ted hope to rain out the game by doing the Incan rain dance, which works. Bill & Ted are then captured and about to be found guilty of trying to murder Caesar when the real assassins are revealed and Bill & Ted are declared heroes instead. Caesar proclaims it Bill & Ted day and announces the minting of a one-time only, collectors item commemorative coin. Back in San Dimas, the Latin class has deciphered the front side of the coin as meaning "Let the festivities be prolonged ad infinitum", or as Bill & Ted point out, "Party On, Dudes". The dudes pass their Latin assignment by translating the flip side of the coin as "Be Excellent to Each Other".

Ted is practicing guitar in his room when a most odious aroma assails his noseholes. He finds his little brother, Deacon, in the backyard turning on the water hose to wash himself off. Deacon relates how Killer Gabron, a bully at school, threw him into a garbage can. Ted decides to try helping Deacon deal with his bully problem. He finds Bill playing video games at the Kozy Korner and as they ponder the situation Rufus appears briefly (in the video game) to tell them they need to figure out what to do themselves. They decide to go back into history and find a most heinous bully to take care of Deacons bully. They first visit Henry VIII, but he cannot help them because he has a date with Ann Bolin, so he suggests they try Ivan the Terrible. They go to Russia to seek out Mr. Terrible, only to find that in reality hes a major dweeb (his fierceness, he explains, is all image). They next head to South Dakota to seek out Calamity Jane, who they find, true to her name, makes calamities happen wherever she goes. She agrees to go with them, but her awesome talent of destruction sabotages their booth, so they push her out before they spiral out of control through time. They pop up into the silver shop of Paul Revere. When Bill accidentally knocks over the Liberty Bell, causing it to crack, Paul Revere mistakes the dudes for British spies. Escaping from the shop, the dudes duck onto a ship where they are put to work unloading a shipment of British tea. They accidentally drop two crates of tea into Boston Harbor, which inspires some revolutionists (who just happen to be dressed like Indians for a costume party) to stand up to their oppressors and dump all of the tea into the harbor. Bill & Ted are heralded as the leaders of the American Revolution. They ask if anyone can help them fix their phone booth, and Benjamin Franklin volunteers, using a kite to channel lightning into the booth. The revolutionists ask Bill & Ted to stay and help them. Ted makes a speech, saying he has learned that only if people work together can they stand up to bullies. The dudes return to San Dimas and tell Deacon to stand up to Killer Gabron. Deacon does this, inspiring the other kids in his class to also stand up to the bully, who gets his just desserts (ending up in the garbage himself). Bill and Ted ponder the fact that they brought about the American Revolution but no one will ever know, so they time travel to 1776 to sign the Declaration of Independence, only to find that John Hancock has hogged all the space (we learn it was, in fact, Rufus, singing the name big so the dudes would not be able to sign themselves).

Bill & Ted are rehearsing for Wyld Stallyns to play at the school dance (no one else tried out). They arrive late at school and accidentally slip into the girls health class during a movie and are caught by Miss Spleen, who reprimands them for being late for her math class and forgetting homework and threatens to have them expelled and kept from playing at the school dance. Later at the Kozy Korner, Ted purchases a blue Frosty Slush in a silver collectors cup before the dudes head back in time to pick up the Princess Babes to sing with the band at the dance. They accidentally end up in the middle of the Crusades where they run afoul of Saladin. He is ready to arrest them until he spots Teds silver collectors cup and believes it to be the Silver Chalice. Just then the Black Knight bursts in and steals the Silver Chalice for himself. Believing Bill & Ted crossed them, Saladins men start after them but they are able to escape in the booth. They arrive in England just as the Black Knight returns from the Crusades with the Silver Chalice as a gift for the king, who offers the Knight one of his daughters in marriage as a reward. Determined to save the babes, Bill & Ted infiltrate the castle and dress as jesters to entertain at a banquet. Their feeble attempts at juggling and magic acts tips off the Black Knight, who announces they are there to steal the Silver Chalice. The dudes manage to get away and sneak into the rooms of the Princess babes, where the Black Knight shows up and demands Joannas hand in marriage. At the wedding, the princesses are saved when Rufus disguises himself as Joanna long enough to allow the dudes and babes to escape. Chasing after them, the Black Knight is sucked into the time circuit and swept along to San Dimas with them. At Teds house the Black Knight lands on the roof and crashes down through the chimney. They keep him in a state of unconsciousness by playing Lawrence Welk polka classics for him. Bill & Ted leave Deacon with the Princess Babes and Black Knight as they hurry to school to avoid being punished by Miss Spleen. Back at Teds house, the Black Knight comes to and chases after Deacon and the Princesses. Unable to reach anyone by phone, Bill & Ted hurry home to find out whats happened. They spot Detective Logan racing to where the Black Knight is riding through town, causing havoc. Realizing they must do something, the dudes look in the Circuits of Time Directory for someone to help them and come across an ad for Wyatt Earp. They travel back to Tombstone, Arizona, where they land on a stagecoach Jesse James is trying to rob. They continue on to town with Jesse James on their tail, leading the bandit right into the hands of sheriff Wyatt Earp. Wyatt Earp declines going back to San Dimas with them, saying he has a lunch date with Calamity Jane, but deputizes the dudes to take on the Black Knight themselves. Returning to San Dimas, they face the Black Knight in the center of town at high noon and they attempt to rope the Black Knight but fail (Ted forgets to hang on to his end of the rope). The Black Knight escapes, and Bill & Ted are picked up and returned to school by Teds dad. They are just in time for Miss Spleens math class where they havent done their homework. Miss Spleen gives them a chance to still attend the dance by asking them to solve a long, complicated problem on the blackboard. They take a guess and actually get it right, so they are allowed to play at the dance, only to find out Miss Spleen will be the chaperon. At the dance, Wyld Stallyns are performing when the Black Knight bursts in. He is knocked off his horse by the loud cacophony of sound when Joanna accidentally knocks Teds electric guitar out of his hands, and when Miss Spleen investigates she and the Black Knight fall immediately in love. Rufus arrives to whisk the happy couple away back to England, and Wyld Stallyns continues to play at the dance.

Bill and Ted are heading to school, admiring their new pump sneakers which they have for gym class. They notice Rufus going into the bowling alley nearby to rent all the shoes they have to deliver to the Yankee soldiers who have missed a shipment of shoes. Bill & Ted offer their own pump sneakers to the cause as well. In gym class, they anger Coach Sweatsocks when they run through the hurdles instead of over them and do not have their shoes. He punishes them to polish his trophies, including his autographed Babe Ruth baseball. They accidentally drop the Babe Ruth baseball into some water, which washes off the signature. Seeking Babe Ruth, whom Coach Sweatsocks said was a famous Yankee, and remembering Rufus was delivering shoes to Yankee soldiers, they head back to the Civil War where the only reference to baseball they can find is a guy named Abner Doubleday, who is perfecting the idea of the game. Bill & Ted get involved in a ball game between the Yankees and Confederates, where they offer suggestions on how to improve the game (such as only having four bases and using a baseball instead of cannonballs). Unfortunately they only manage to lose the baseball itself. Getting into their booth to escape they discover a woman hiding inside, who introduces herself as Harriet Tubman, who was leading a group of escaped slaves to the North. Her short travel in the Circuits in Time inspires her to build an underground railroad. Bill & Ted continue on, landing in Transylvania. Their booth is accidentally taken by a hunchbacked man who works for "The Count". Bill and Ted are then captured by a mob of angry villagers, who want to drown them for being cousins of Count Dracula. Rufus arrives to give the dudes back their shoes, and helps them escape from their captors. They head to the castle to retrieve their phone booth and find an irate Dracula angry because he cant get any sleep in the new "coffin", which is the boys ringing phone booth. The dudes pose as coffin repair men and play a soothing tune for Dracula on the dial buttons. They then manage to get Dracula out of the booth and continue on to Yankee stadium where they hope to get some hot dogs. They are almost kicked out by a policeman for not having tickets but manage to elude the man. To their surprise, they hear Babe Ruth being announced as coming up to bat. They ask him for an autograph, but he doesnt have time and so he gives them a small photo instead. The policeman catches up with the dudes and throws them out of the park, where they crash into a vendors cart. Then man is trying to sell a new invention he calls Blibber Blubber, which Bill & Ted soon realize is actually bubble gum. They offer to trade the photo of Babe Ruth for some of the gum, which gives the inventor the idea to market the new candy with trading cards of baseball players. As the boys stand chewing their gum, they hear the announcer inside the stadium relate that Babe Ruth has hit home run number 60 out of the park. They are thrilled to find the baseball also contains the Babes signature. They hurry the ball back to the gym where Coach Sweatsocks is thrilled to see they have cleaned his ball and have their shoes back.

Bill & Ted face the most heinous event of their lives when Mr. Ryan announces they are expelled. Terrified of what Teds dad will do to him, the dudes ask for a second chance. Mr. Ryan says that if they can line up someone incredible for tomorrows Career Day they may have a chance to stay in school. At the Kozy Korner they try to decide who to get to speak. Remembering the statuettes on Mr. Ryans desk, they go in search of Shakespeare and Mark Twain. They arrive in England to find Shakespeares newest play, Romeo and Juliet, about to open. When they buy tickets with U.S. money they are considered crooks and chased by ushers. They accidentally end up on the stage where the confuse the theater goers, who begin throwing vegetables. Overhearing Shakespeare lamenting over what he chose to be, they urge him to "Be what you want to be . . . or not. Whatever." Bill & Ted reach their booth and travel to Sacramento, California, where their booth lands in one of the flumes at Sutters Mill. John Sutter insists that the boys are going to work in his mine until theyve paid for the damage to his flume. Finding they arent making much progress with mining, Bill & Ted instead revert the flume into the first waterslide and charge other miners admission to ride. Getting back into their booth, they find it to be full of frogs from the river they had been working in. Bill & Ted try again to find Mark Twain, but only see a listing for Samuel Clemmons and travel to the Mississippi River where they land on a riverboat, releasing the frogs to run amok on the boat. They find the captain, Samuel Clemmons, yelling out "mark twain" (two fathoms) and try to ask him where Mr. Mark Twain is. Unfortunately the frogs cause such a commotion and Samuel Clemmons gets fired from what he says is yet another job (hed been through many careers already). Bill & Ted play leapfrog to lure the frogs into one room and in deciding what to do with the creatures they get the idea to hold races on the boats deck and have the passengers bet on the races. Unfortunately the races get out of control and it proves to be no solution. However, Samuel Clemmons is not upset . . . the incident has inspired him to write a short story and become a writer (Bill & Ted never make the connection that he is in fact Mark Twain). Returning to San Dimas without a speaker, they decide to ask the mayor to attend as a last resort and are surprised when the man agrees, arriving with a police escort to the San Dimas auditorium and impressing Vice Principal Ryan enough to keep him from expelling the dudes.

Bill & Ted are getting ready to climb aboard the school bus heading for an excellent school ski trip when Rufus drops in and asks if they would attend Be Excellent to Each Other Day in the future, but they decline, telling him about their ski trip. Before they can board the bus, however, a Bookmobile with flashing lights pulls up and they find themselves facing Sgt. Joe Donaldson of the library police. He informs Ted that he is the librarys Most Wanted fugitive for not returning the librarys copy of Little Red Riding Hood which he checked out when he was six, and that he now owes $35,000 in back library fines. Asking if they can at least make one phone call, they escape to their booth and decide to find the Grimm Brothers to obtain a copy of the book. They find the two authorities on grammar being evicted from their home for not paying their rent. Brother Jacob decides he might want to try his hand at writing folk tales, while Brother Wilhelm says its silly. Bill & Ted realize they must stick with the brothers until they write their stories. They help the Brothers escape from the law and take them through time. Landing at Valley Forge, they end up getting to ski after all, running down George Washington. The Brothers Grimm are sent to the brig, Bill & Ted are made lieutenants, and Washington buys a portrait which Rufus was doing of him nearby (he buys the painting from Rufus for a dollar). Washington instructs Bill & Ted to come up with something for his last seven soldiers to eat, but isnt impressed with their snow cones and plain frosty slushes. The cold treats make Washington sneeze, causing an avalanche which clears a path and allows Martha Washington to be able to get through with some food, covered with snow (this inspires Jacob to think up Snow White and the Seven Soldiers). Bill & Ted and the Brothers Grimm manage to escape in their booth to Tennessee where they find themselves in a forest facing an angry bear. In their escape they run into Davy Crockett who says hes trying to track down their bear, which has taken off with their phone booth. Jacob starts thinking up stories about three bears living in a house. Rufus arrives to ask if they still want to attend the party with him, but when the bear shows up again they all beat a hasty retreat, only the bear and Davy Crockett manage to go along for the ride. They all end up in the future at Be Excellent to Each Other Day. Davy Crockett wrestles with the bear, which the Three Most Important People find outstanding entertainment. Bill, Ted and the Brothers Grimm go back to time traveling, and during their trip Brother Wilhelm gets so fed up with Jacobs idea for the Bear and the Three Most Important People he throws his brothers notes out of the booth and they have to stop to try to find the pages. During this stop, Bill & Ted spot a beautiful blonde riding a horse and follow her, ending up landing on her horse. She says she is Lady Godiva and says she shouldnt pick up hitchhikers, and since they have to go anyway they jump off her horse, inadvertently pulling her red cape off of her. Seeing the red cape, Jacob becomes inspired to write Little Red Riding Hooded Cape. Returning to San Dimas, Bill & Ted are taken to the head librarian, who is shocked when they hand her the original manuscript, which she says will pay off all Teds fines. The librarian checks to see who the next Most Wanted fugitive is, and it turns out to be Bill, so after the dudes board the schoolbus for their ski weekend we see the Bookmobile chasing them out of town.

Bill & Ted find out the hard way exactly what bogus shape their gym coach is in when the new Squint phone system shrinks them and they end up taking a "fantastic voyage" through the mans body.

Bill & Ted travel into television to try to change the outcome of one of their favorite old situation comedies, Leave it to Badger.

Another trip into television brings the guys face to face with their childhood idol, Mr. Radish, who is ready to give up his show for lack of viewer interest.

Teds dad is threatening to send Ted to military school, so the dudes visit him as a teenager to learn discipline, only the find Teds dad wasnt as disciplined as he claimed!