Green Acres

Lisa gets her first look at their dilipidated--and empty--farmhouse and is horrified. Oily Mr. Haney, who previously owned the dump, took everything with him, including the bathroom fixtures, and tries to resell them to Oliver. Eb, one of Haneys workers, is hired on as their farm hand. Lisa goes out to meet the locals, most of whom have entered a pool wagering on how long the Douglases will stay. Lisa is ready to immediately return to New York, but after a chat with Kate Bradley, she decides to give farm life a try.

While Oliver makes plans to get the farm in working order, Lisa travels to New York to pack up their furniture. The Hooterville locals begin gossiping, assuming Lisa left him for good. While shes in the city, Olivers mother connects her with an architect who designs an extravagant country club.

Olivers mother sends the Douglases their furniture from New York, while she also rides down to visit them. While Oliver and Lisa wait for the furniture to arrive, Eunice is stuck with Uncle Joe on his handcar, getting to Hooterville. Things go bad to worse when Eunice finds herself the target of Newt Kileys bull, and the Douglases furniture is delivered to Mr. Haneys instead.

Oliver has collected soil samples from his farm for the university to analyze. When the samples are accidentally spilled, Olivers mother siezes the opportunity to get her son off the farm; she mixed the dirt with products from her cosmetics bag.

With their phone still not connected, Oliver asks Mr. Kimball to put some pressure on his mother, who owns the telephone company. Kimball says he and his mother arent speaking, but Oliver convinces him to make up with her. His mom is so grateful, she promptly has a phone installed--on top of a pole outside their bedroom.

Fearful that Mr. Haney will lay claim to Eleanors calf, the Douglases decide to keep the cows pregnancy a secret. The Hooterville gossips get part of the story right, except they think its Lisa whos expecting.

Lisa is shocked that Hooterville doesnt have a beauty salon. She calls her mother-in-law who ships out her hair dresser, Claude. (She blackmails him with one word: "Scranton".) Setting up shop on the Cannonball, he gives the Hooterville women new hairdos. Now, theyre too "beautiful" for farm work.

Lisa is against buying neighboring property owned by the Watsons until she see their farmhouse. Thinking the house is part of the deal, Lisa sells the Watsons furniture to Mr. Haney and has their things brought over. All of this happens while Oliver is in New York arranging the financing.

Olivers upset that Lisa listed him the new phone directory as an attorney. He fears hell be flooded with calls wanting his legal advice. Instead, lawyer Douglas becomes cranky when his phone doesnt ring. Meanwhile, Lisa tackles a formidable task in the kitchen: baking a cake. When Oliver finally gets a potential client, the unlucky man encounters Ralphs plank, Lisas 20-pound pound cake and Haneys truck.

Oliver will make considerable more on his apple crop if he gets his to market first. He hires local highschoolers to pick the fruit and uses their old truck to haul them. As the rickety truck suffers numerous breakdowns, the apple prices begin to drop. Finally, Lisas hotscakes come to the rescue.

Lisa agreed to try out Green Acres for six months. Todays the day she decides whether to stay in Hooterville or return to New York. Everyone anxiously awaits her decision. In the meantime, Oliver flashes back to their first days on the farm, his physical mishaps around the house, and Haneys lousy products.

Sam Druckers off for a two-week vacation to visit his sister, leaving Oliver to take over his duties as deputy sheriff. Complications ensue when Oliver demonstrates how to use a pair of handcuffs to Lisa before discovering that hes lost the keys.

Oliver wants to write a folk song about local legend Molly Turgis, a woman so ugly she was run out of Hooterville. Facts are hard to come by, though, because the mere mention of her name causes bad to happen. Lisa feels sorry for Molly and offers to give her a make-over.

Ebs talent for curing sick animals leads the Douglases to send him to veterinarian school. Unfortunately, his college career is short-lived due to one small oversite.

A drought in Hooterville has crops wilting in the fields. Oliver is so desperate, he agrees to pay Haney $350 if he can bring some relief. Thats when Haney presents dancing Chief Thundercloud. When the rains eventually arrive, Oliver refuses to pay. He says the Chiefs dancing is not what did the trick.

Olivers groovy nephew arrives in Hooterville on his motorcycle with long hair, hip lingo and no interest in work. Chuck is excellent with motors, however, and proceeds to "soup up" all the vehicles in the valley. The easily influenced Eb is quick to decide he wants to be a beatnick.

Mr. Haney has Willie the well-witcher to witch him a new well. But when Mr. Haney has plenty of water, Oliver loses his water. The same thing happens when Oliver has a new well witched, then the Ziffels run out of water. When they get a new well, then Mr. Drucker runs out of water. Oliver decides that Hooterville should open a reservoir. Soon afterwards, everyone has enough water, but when everyone turns on their faucets, they lose their electricity.

Oliver ends up with a new client named Collins, who turns out to be a very attractive woman, whose first name is Amy, who wants Olivers legal help about her farm. Oliver has to make regular visits to Amys farm to help her with her farm. Lisa begins thinking that Oliver is cheating on her, and after hearing Doris Ziffel talking, believes that Oliver is going to kill her, and runaway to South America to elope with Amy. Little does Lisa know the facts, and that Mrs. Ziffel was really talking about the recent episode of her favorite show.

Olivers back on his soap box, delivering fiery patriotic speeches after getting a bill for the State Farm Unattached Duty Tax. No one in Hooterville seems to know what the tax is for, so Oliver tries to contact his assemblyman. Thats when he learns Hooterville hasnt held an election for one since 1922. He and Lisa travel to the state capital to meet the governor and remedy the situation.

Eb suddenly discovers he has feelings for Betty Jo Bradley. Eb wants nothing more than to date her, but the advice Oliver gives him, calls the date off, when Eb wont let Betty Jo choose where to go for an evening, and Eb discovers that shes allergic to roses.

James Stuart from the agricultural department wants to do a film on the pitfalls of new farmers. The locals think "Jimmy Stewart" is coming to make a big Hollywood movie so they all enroll in Haneys acting school. In the meantime, Olivers farming practices prove especially embarrassing for the camera.

The Douglases try to determine which of their hens is laying square eggs. Once word gets out, Haney and a chicken breeder both want in on the action. Oddly, the cube-shaped eggs dont worry Oliver nearly as much as their toaster that operates when you say the number "five".

Its tomato planting season and Oliver needs some useful weather information. Hooterville relies on WPIXL-TVs Mildred, a little old lady who prances out of her dollhouse, or Walter, the singing weatherman. Both are constantly wrong so Oliver contacts the Weather Bureau which predicts warm days and nights. With the plants in the ground, Hooterville suffers the coldest night of the year. Incredibly, its Lisas crepe suzettes that save the crop from the cold.

Oliver misunderstands when the Hooterville bigwigs ask him to be a judge. He thinks hes being appointed an appellate judge but they just want him to judge apples at the county fair. The Douglases travel to New York so Oliver can get some judging advice while Lisa shops for a robe and wig for His Honor.

The residents of Hooterville flock to nearby Bleedswell for jobs at the new defense plant. To keep people from leaving, Hooterville reopens its old airplane factory to fulfill its contract with the Army--signed during WWI.

The only thing Oliver learns at a farming convention is how to get a hangover. He and Lisa meet up with Charlie, a former gangster-turned-farmer, and Wanda, his floozy dancer wife. The more Charlie talks about his farm, the more Olivers convinced that his shady days are not in the past.

Oliver has to choose between being a farmer or lawyer when he gets an offer to practice in Washington, D. C. The official-looking letter, however, has the locals convinced that Oliver is hiding an juicy secret from them. After ruling out tax cheat and counterfeiter, that leaves only one choice: CIA agent.

According to Oliver, every farm wife should be growing her own vegetables so Lisa starts her own garden. Armed with useless pamphlets from Mr. Kimball and a flask of perfume, Lisa begins work. Its hardly a money-saving proposition after she buys a tractor, farm supplies, and hires Alf and Ralph as her housekeepers.

Tired of Doris nagging about having to beat their laundry on a rock in the creek, Fred buys a Grabwell washing machine from Mr. Haney. The boat motor in a barrel goes berzerk, spraying water and clothes everywhere before chasing the Ziffels out their front door. Oliver is more than happy to take their case and stick it to Haney in the courtroom.

Lisa says that woman in her family must marry an American every fourth generation to keep the huge ring she now wears. She regales Hooterville with the story of her great, great grandmother, the Queen of the Gypsies, and her courtship of an American artist, Cornelius. Much stealing and dancing is involved.

Eb becomes obsessed with winning a contest on a Pixley radio station. To identify all the songs, he has to listen day and night. That becomes even harder after Elenaor the cow swallows the radio Oliver just bought Eb for his birthday.

Oliver decides it would be a great idea for Lisa to make her own jam preserves.

Oliver starts a feud with the Hooterville Phone Company and launches a campaign to recall its management.

Oliver sets out to accomplish to changes at the Hooterville Phone Company, now that hes president.

Oliver and Lisa wake up one morning to find that their handyman has eloped.

Lisa tells another war story - this one details how she saved Oliver from the Nazis during World War II and how their romance began.

Oliver informs Lisa that he plans to attend a farm symposium without her.

Ralph, the lady carpenter, runs away from home and stays with the Douglases after having a fight with her brother, Alf.

The Douglas handyman returns home from his honeymoon and reveals that he did not get married.

A mysterious young boy shows up at the Douglas farm and claims to be from another world.

Lisa and Oliver are taken hostage by two bank robbers who hide out in their farmhouse.

Lisa reveals that her mother, the Countess, is going to pay a visit to Green Acres.

Eb decides on a career as a barber and talks Oliver into putting him through a do-it-yourself mail-order barber college.

A fellow Hungarian, Lazlo Broslav, visits Lisa and becomes an unwanted house guest. It is revealed that Lazlo once saved the life of Lisas uncle, and now her family must repay the debt.

When an expectant mother goes into labor, Oliver takes her to the hospital, and Lisa takes her seven other children to live with the Douglases until she recovers.

Oliver and Lisa chaperone Arnolds trip to Hollywood, where he lands a starring role in a motion picture.

The Douglases are asked to donate old clothing to a charity rummage sale. Lisa is glad to give away Olivers entire wardrobe, but cant part with any of her dresses. Each has a memory attached, leading to flashbacks of Oliver asking Lisas father for her hand in marriage, the Douglases honeymoon in Switzerland and their first party in their new Park Avenue apartment.

Eb announces his engagement to Loreli Appleby, a girl he met the day before. In an attempt to impress his future father-in-law, Eb succeeds in destroying the farmers cabbage crop. To get back in the mans good graces, Eb pawns Olivers cow Eleanor so he can make the Applebys mortgage payment.

Wanting to be a bigger help to Oliver, Lisa decides to learn carpentry. She buys overalls and begins to study the craft from the inept Monroe brothers. Lisas talents result in destruction in Monroes workshop and earns Oliver a punch in the nose.

Its "Old Mail Day" and Sam Drucker hands out letters that have gotten misplaced in his post office. Having learned nothing from his previous letter-writing fiascos, an upset Oliver complains to the Postmaster General for delivery service. The locals soon turn on Oliver because Druckers General Store is never open; hes always on his bicycle delivering mail.

After Joe Carson quits as head of the Hooterville centennial celebration, Oliver gets the job. His idea is to stage a re-enactment of the towns founding starring he and Lisa as Horace and Doris Hooter. In the dramatization, saloon girl Doris fleeces Horace out of the money hed hoped to buy a farm with. Eventually, he gets his money back, thanks to her skills as a card shark, and they marry and settle Hooterville.

After Oliver orders the Monroe brothers to finish work on the bedroom, they confess that they never got a building permit. Oliver storms off to get one himself, only to discover his barn is in Hooterville but his house is in Pixley. Haney, who sold them the farm, offers to hook a rope to the house and pull it to Hooterville with his truck.

Oliver has the bad idea of getting into the chicken raising business. Haney wants to sell him a ridiculous egg laying contraption, the Monroe brothers build a disastrous chicken coop, and Lisa wants to raise the chicks as human children. The serious trouble begins when the 1000 baby chicks arrive. The brooder stops working and the babies have to stay warm. Lisas motherly instincts save the day.

Criminals rob a jewelry store in Chicago and stash their haul in a grain bin. The expensive gems end up packed in boxes of Crickly Wickly cereal shipped to Hooterville. Lisa knows real jewels when she sees them, but Olivers sure theyre just costume. After taking them to be appraised, the sheriff arrests Oliver for the jewelry store heist.

The law office of Douglas and Williams is open for business, even though the sign has Oliver Mendell Douglas (later Oliver Wendell Wilkie Holmes) listed as a partner. Unqualified secretary Lisa destroys a office typewriter before having the new phone connected to a fire alarm "clanger". Later, to boost business, she advertises a grand opening special with free prizes and discount law services.

With the Douglases in Washington, the "Haney Farm Mindin Service" leases out their house (for $4 a day) to a couple with six children. Meanwhile in D.C., Lisa and Eb go to the White House to have unannounced lunch with the president, Kimball causes chaos for the Secretary of Agriculture, and Arnold causes problems in a laundromat. Oliver calls an early end to their trip, forcing Haney to quickly dispose of his new tenants.

A check of their their marriage license revals that Oliver and Lisa arent husband and wife. Theyd been mistakenly given a license to practice dentistry. Refusing to stay in the house with a bachelor dentist, "Dr. Gronyitz" moves in with the Monroe brothers until they can re-tie the knot. Their church wedding goes fairly smoothly considering Hank Kimball is the best man and Ralph Monroe is the maid of honor.

From inside an old trunk Eb found in the barn, Lisa begins reading the diary of Lydia Plunkett who, in 1898, becomes a traveling saleswoman for a corset company. Lydia falls in love with rival salesman Harry Wright, whose career falters as a result of her success. The two marry, she becomes president of the corset company, and unhappily tends house. He eventually tires of being a housewife and leaves her. As Lisa continues reading, Eb is entranced by the story, but Oliver scoffs at the soppy romance.

Oliver, Lisa and Eb talk about reincarnation after watching a movie about a grandfather who returns as a racehorse. Later, when Eb goes missing during a nasty thunderstorm, Lisa is worried sick that something bad has happened to him. Shes greatly relieved when he returns home safely--"reincarcerated" as a dog.

Oliver loses all hopes of getting rid of his mother-in-law when Mr Haney and Uncle Joe Carson vie to become his father-in-law.

Oliver takes Arnold the Pig Chicago to receive Arnolds inheritance of $20,000,000. Arnold is a direct discendant of Herman, a pig who could predict the weather with his tail. However, Oliver soon finds it difficult watching after a pig in the hotel.

Olivers angry over Hootervilles dirt road, especially after learning the money to pave it was appropriated thirty years earlier. Never content to leave well enough alone, he descends on the state capitol demanding that something be done. He makes little headway until Lisa mentions the name of powerful hot dog vendor Big Joe Haney.

Alarmed by the dropping population of Hooterville, Oliver calls a town meeting to find a way to keep the young people from moving away. Lisa urges him not to become involved because his "goo dooding" always backfires, but he forges ahead anyway. Soon, hes involuntarily volunteered his barn to be the valleys new youth center.

The principal of Hootervile asks Oliver to address on of his classes, about job opportunities. While talking to the class a high school girl falls for Oliver. This makes Lisa jealous.

With minimal help from Eb, a stressed Oliver begins planting his corn crop. Lisa tries to be a useful farm wife by making dreadful lemonade which Oliver pours out onto the ground. The next morning at that spot, he finds a giant cornstalk that reaches into the clouds. At the top of the stalk theres a Jolly Green Giant who bellows "Ho, Ho, Ho" and drops down creamed corn, both in the can and by the bucketful.

The discovery of a Wish Book from 1898 leads Haney to tell the story of Calvin and Tessie Whittaker, who once owned the Douglases house. When a magic lantern is mistakenly delivered by the catalog company, Calvin opens a Wall Picture Theater in Pixley, thrilling audiences with a slide of Abraham Lincoln standing on his head. Eventually he goes to Hollywood to pitch his ideas, but they call him a nut. They even scoff at his idea to put a mouse named Dickey into films. They love Tessie, however, and she becomes a silent film star.

Oliver and Lisa find a basement in their house. While exploring it, they find themselfs trapped. They send a sos up the kitchen sink drain for help.

Oliver gives another of his speeches, this one to the County Bar Association, encouraging the hiring of ex-convicts. This leads to his hiring of Willie Dunhill, a man whos spent so many years in prison, he cant adjust to life on the outside; he keeps calling Oliver "warden".

In just his first day as the School Board President, Oliver has started a grammar school protest. The kids are upset that their mascot, Arnold, has been thrown out for popping his teacher with a pea shooter. Fred asks Oliver to represent his "son" on grounds that he was discriminated against, but all Oliver can do is talk to the schools determined principal.

Oliver wants to have a simple, romantic Sunday picnic with Lisa. His afternoon for two turns into an irritating crowd when everyone invites themselves and tags along. Joining the couple are Eb, his girlfriend Linda and her accordion, her parents, Sam Drucker, his date and her sousaphone, Hank Kimball, Lindas Grandpa and some old lady he hit on at the gas station. That night, Oliver and Lisa take refuge in the barn when the crowd shows up at their house.

Lisas skittish Uncle Fedor uses the Douglases home to hide out--mostly under the bed and sofa. He claims hes on the run from the Secet Police who want him for smuggling a secret formula. When a man with a scar and another without an ear are spotted in Hooterville, his wild tale starts to seem believable.

Its Olivers birthday, and everyone but him wants to celebrate. It also (coincidentally) happens to be Arnolds birthday too. Everyone tries to persuade Oliver to get Arnold a birthday present, while he thinks he deserves one because hes human, while Arnold isnt. It turns out Arnold, and Lisa are the only ones who get Oliver a gift, and when he and Lisa go over to the Ziffels house for his party, only to find that there wasnt one, they return to find all of their furniture stolen.

Lori, the little girl who missed the train back to the city, is staying with the Douglases. Lisas plan to introduce her to the local children by having a party and gets out of hand; the festivities grow to include an elephant and Haney giving biplane rides. While Oliver fights to downsize her event, he searches for a replacement part for his ancient Hoyt-Clagwell tractor so he can begin planting.

Lisa tells Lori yet another version of how she and Oliver met. In this one, she was living in a Paris apartment with her father, the deposed King of Hungary. While he was plotting his return to power, Lisa was working as a waitress at a sidewalk cafe when Oliver stopped by for six bottles of champagne. The King wants her to marry a baron who will bankroll his army, but Lisa loves poor American Oliver Douglas.

Mayorial candidate Oliver Douglas faces an opponent when the Hooterville women nominate Lisa to run. While the men plot to improve Olivers image, Ralph Monroe wages a campaign of dirty tricks against him that includes hotscake batter in his hat and an appearance by Lady Godiva.

Oliver has his first good apple crop, but the valley has no pickers. He suggests the farmers take turns picking each others crops, but by the time they get to him, theyre worn out. Compounding his problems, Lisas driving lessons include an unplanned wreck with a sheriffs car.

Confusion takes over Hooterville as a bank robber and his girlfriend hold up in Pixley. The main problem is that the bank robber looks, and sounds exactly like Oliver Wendall Douglas! The first one to get confused is Eb, when he sees what looks like Oliver cheating on Lisa by kissing another girl. The look alike also causes confusions for Mr. Drucker and Mr. Kimbell when he makes a visit to Sams store. On suspision, Oliver is arrested, while Mr. Drucker and Mr. Kimbell hold up the bank robber and send him to jail. Oliver and the robber are in jail, and the police cant tell who is the real Oliver, but they have Lisa come in to identify the real Mr. Douglas. She picks the robber, but Oliver comes up with an idea to reveal who is the real Oliver, when he has himself, and the robber write down where they believe Lisa has a mole.

After Lisa hears a womens liberation speaker, she demands that Oliver share the household chores while she runs the farm. While he meets with nothing but red tape while trying to build a tool shed, Lisa gets the permit and completes the building with ease. A skeptical Oliver is in disbelief that his wife is so successful at "mens work".

Eb is sent packing when Darlenes dad learns he proposed to is daughter with a watch fob instead of a ring. Lisa gives Eb the $2000 ring Oliver used to get engaged to her and everyone is happy--until the father has the ring appraised.

Hooterville throws a celebration for the son of a war hero who Lisa claims delivered secret messages during WWII. Oliver tries to tell them that Drobny is just a "dumb duck" sent to them by Lisas father, but they think hes just being a sorehead.

When the Ziffels come down with the flu, Arnold the pig stays with the Douglases for a few days, complete with his baggage & ukelele. On a trip into Pixley, Arnold waits in the car, while the Doulases run an errand. Arnold witnesses the Pixley Bank being robbed and notices the robbers description. But with all his squealing he loses his voice, and cannot tell the sheriff what he saw. Mr. Haney tries to sell Mr. Douglas a witness protection service for Arnold. Mr. Kimball tries to track the robbers and ends up giving the real robbers info about where Arnold can be found. The robbers take Eb hostage, thinking he is Arnold. Arnold saves the day by leading the Douglases to the robbers hideout and helping capture them, by pushing a ladder over their heads. Arnold thus collects the $2500 reward.

The govenor announces ""Our state is bankrupt"" and that he is raising taxes 52%. Hooterville responds by blowing up the bridge over the swamp and forming their own kingdom, headed by King Oliver the I. King Oliver is wearing a crown because he ate the oleo margerine.

Ralph wants Hank to ask her to the Carpenters Ball, but he comes up with feeble excuses to avoid going. Planning to get the two together at the event, Lisa asks Hank to be her date to the party. In no time, Hooterville is convinced that the Douglases marriage is on the rocks and that Lisa and Hank are running off to Acapulco.

Lisa & Oliver decide to take a college course together in Pixley. Oliver chooses a farming course meeting on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays and Lisa decides on a Psychology course, simply because it meets on Tuesdays & Thursdays. After a few lessons, the zany members of Hooterville become enthralled with ""Doctor Lisa"", who helps solve Ebs, Mr. Kimballs and Arnolds problems with logical reasoning. Mr. Haney tries to sell Oliver a pyschiatrists couch once used by Dr.Sigmund Frood. An exasperated Oliver has to make an appointment with ""the doctor"" when he intrudes on Mr. Druckers psychiatric visit. Lisa gives up her practice to be Olivers wife again.

Oliver is looking through his old Christmas Cards to find the return address of an ex-secretary of his who had moved to California. He wants to contract her because when his watch broke before, his secretary at the time found a repair shop that was able to fix it. The secretary, Carol now works for a Realtor who she ends up saving from being coned out of $10,000 from a con man that her former boss, Mr. Douglas had tried to indite back in New York. By episode end, Carol remembers the name of the watch repair shop on Madison Avenue.